Storms in the Heart, Scars on the Body- Children’s Emotions and Self-Harm as a Cry for Help
Update Date：2025/10/03，
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Department of Psychiatry – Dr. Li Sung-Tao
When Children Face Setbacks
When children encounter frustration, they may cry or become angry—these are natural emotional reactions. Sometimes emotions are like a brief afternoon thunderstorm that passes quickly. But at other times, they feel like a continuous storm that refuses to stop and causes serious damage.
For parents, one of the most painful situations is when their child writes their suffering on their body—through self-harm. Whether it is scratching the skin with nails, cutting arms or legs with sharp objects, or even ingesting large amounts of medication, these all fall under the scope of self-harm.
Parents ‘First Reactions: Shock and Helplessness
Many parents, upon seeing cuts on their child’s arms or facing self-harming behaviors, react first with shock and even panic:
• “How could this happen?”
• “Why would my child want to end their life?”
This fear is real and understandable, since it involves their own flesh and blood. What follows often includes anger and confusion:
• “Why would my child choose this way?”
• “Are they doing it on purpose to upset us?”
• “Are they trying to threaten us?”
The Child’s Inner World: Pain Without an Outlet
In fact, most children who self-harm are struggling with inner pain that has no other outlet. It may come from long-term stress, loneliness, or feeling misunderstood with no one to confide in.
The pressures of today’s internet and social media add to their burden. Children may feel that no one around them can truly understand, and they fear being blamed or rejected if they express themselves. As a result, they may choose to hurt their bodies, using physical pain to temporarily cover up a deeper emotional pain. But this is not a long-term solution.
The Multiple Meanings of Self-Harm
Self-harm does not have a single meaning.
• Some children may be seeking more attention and care, because they have long lacked emotional support and gentle understanding.
• Others may use self-harm as a way to regulate emotions—numbing themselves to avoid feeling psychological pain.
• Some children may also use it as a form of communication, trying to express friction or discomfort in daily life.
For parents, these behaviors often bring mixed emotions—anger and fear—while also feeling held hostage by their child’s wounds. This conflict is common and deserves to be acknowledged.
Self-Harm Is Not the End, but a Signal
It is important to remember: self-harm does not always equal suicidal intent. More often, it is a warning sign—a signal that the child is in great distress and needs to be seen and supported.
No matter the form, self-harm means: “I am asking for help.”
And in these moments, parents’ reactions can determine whether their child feels safe enough to continue opening up.
What Are “Warning Emotions”?
Emotional distress that requires close attention often has the following characteristics:
• Emotional reactions are excessive or last longer than two weeks.
• There is a clear impact on schoolwork, friendships, or family life.
• Dangerous behaviors appear, such as self-harm or expressing thoughts of wanting to end life.
What Can Parents Do?
When discovering a child’s self-harm, the first step is not to scold or demand: “Why are you doing this?” Instead, take a moment to calm yourself, and tell the child:
• “Seeing you like this makes me very worried and heartbroken.”
Such words convey safety far better than criticism.
Next, help your child find healthier ways to express stress, such as exercise, creative arts, or journaling. Work together to create coping strategies that can be used when the urge to self-harm arises.
Most importantly, if self-harming behaviors persist or are accompanied by suicidal thoughts, it is essential to seek help from a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Conclusion
A child’s self-harm is not “a way to cause trouble,” but rather a signal that they need to be understood.
When parents can first soothe their own shock and fear, and then move toward understanding, they are more likely to find a way forward together with their child.
Remember: our role is not to immediately “fix” our children’s emotions, but to become a harbor of safety and trust that they can rely on.